Graduation Dos and Don'ts: Lessons Learned for Parents and Grandparents

Lessons learned for parents and grandparents — halfway through a four-graduation season

Halfway through my four-graduation season, I am determined to sharpen my game. I share a few lessons I have learned so far.

DON'TS

For Parents, Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles — applicable for graduations at all levels:

Do not wear the school colors, particularly if they are magenta and gold.
Forget about creating a large button to wear with your relative's photo, particularly if you are planning to add the childhood nickname.
Do not call out a baby nickname as the diploma is awarded — or use it when their friends are around.
Do not bring a cowbell. Forget that you once knew how to whistle.
People can tell if you are singing the wrong words to their alma mater, don't fake it by singing the words to yours.

If attending a torch parade which began with beverages for the graduates, do not lean in with your umbrella to get a better look as they pass by. Maybe your hairdo can be less bouffant? These torches mean business.
Do not ask loudly if that young man is wearing pajama bottoms, he is.
No need to ask what they are going to do next year.
Do not try to see their dorm room (probably being packed up anyway) and don't comment if somehow you do.
Time how much you are sharing about your own graduation. Don't a cappella your own alma mater (see above).

Torchlight parade — sorry it is blurry, it was raining

And DOS:

Realize that the keynote address will be about AI: they all are this year. (And realize you are wasting valuable time together if you ask what they think of AI, and definitely not: "what is AI?")
Take advantage of the ice cream social (our old ice cream sandwich) and take along lots of water.
Smile a lot and keep your mouth shut mostly. You should already know what their major was.
Bring sunscreen if outdoors and realize you are there for at least two hours. Note the procession is as long as the program itself.
Have fun watching the woman graduates' shoes and be thankful you are wearing comfortable ones.
Know that you will drop at least $150 at the school bookshop (they make a killing on you) and definitely buy the bear wearing the mortar board. Save it to give to your graduate at the appropriate time.
Realize how glad they are that you are there but know how much they want to be with their friends at this special time.
Absorb what they love about this place where they have spent a long time. Hone your listening skills.
Take lots of photos, lots of tissues and realize how lucky you are to be there.
Tell them to go be with their friends and how much you love them.

Do you have dos and don'ts to share with us from your experiences? Send them to [email protected]. (With thanks to the New York Times for two of the don'ts.)